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Better to keep your mouth shut and seem a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. The barn door’s open and the mule’s trying to run. (Your fly’s down.) Don’t get all het up about it ...

27. You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it. 28. There’s a lot to be said in his favor, but it’s not nearly as interesting. 29. They’ve been treating me like one of ...Jun 16, 2023 · One-Liner Jokes. 21. Russian dolls are so full of themselves. 22. The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast. 23. Light travels faster than sound, which is ... Nov 5, 2020 · Thanksgiving Pick Up Lines (Probably) Not Safe for the Family Dinner Table. The food isn’t the only thing that’s going to make you want to loosen your belt. I’ll give you something to be thankful for. Good thing I wore my oven mitts, because you’re too …I cry when I cut up onions. There once was a man from sprocket. Who went for a ride in a rocket. The rocket went bang. His balls went clang. And he found his d**k in his pocket! Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection. A fake name and …So tight that he peels oranges in his pocket. So tight that he wouldn't give you the steam off his piss. So tight that when you ring on his door his missus has to shout ding dong. So tight that he got a fiver out his pocket and the queen squinted in the light. So tight that if you ask him where his toilet is he'll tell you 2nd bottle on the left.I’ve caught myself using this one. When I was younger I used to have no problem subbing curse words for things like gosh and darn. But as an adult when I’m in a conversation and trying not to cuss, for some reason those basic substitutions escape me and I start using my grandma’s curses.So tight that he peels oranges in his pocket. So tight that he wouldn't give you the steam off his piss. So tight that when you ring on his door his missus has to shout ding dong. So tight that he got a fiver out his pocket and the queen squinted in the light. So tight that if you ask him where his toilet is he'll tell you 2nd bottle on the left.6 days ago · Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. You'll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully, and lie about your age. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Nostalgia is often triggered by something reminding you of a happier time. Whether it's an old commercial or a book from your past, it belongs in /r/nostalgia.I cry when I cut up onions. There once was a man from sprocket. Who went for a ride in a rocket. The rocket went bang. His balls went clang. And he found his d**k in his pocket! Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection. A fake name and …Biology Jokes Pick Up Lines. “Girl, your name must be Phylum, because you are above class.”. “Baby, every time i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up.”. “I think my heart just lagged.”. “If I were an enzyme, I’d be helicase so i could unpackage your genes.”. “You must be the one for me, since my selectively ...Jan 7, 2023 · If you have Siri set to start when one of those ears is double-tapped, that ear will probably drain more quickly than the other. Here's how to adjust your AirPods settings. 1. Begin by wearing ...Best Short Faster Than Jokes. Short faster than jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The faster than humour may include short quicker than jokes also. When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat Is a warm toilet seat ; Did you hear that the US …Introduction. Ever wondered how comedians can get a room erupting in laughter with just a single line? That's the power of a well-crafted one-liner. Let's dive …Sophia: "Yeah, open to everyone, day or night." Rose: "Well, I'm here if you want to pick my brain." Dorothy: "Rose, honey. Maybe we should leave it alone and let it heal." Also, not a one liner but the scene where Dorothy is describing the paper bird she had as a child and how Sophia used it to light a fire kills me every time 😂.Puns And One Liners. Check our Twitter and Facebook feeds for a joke on the hour every hour… Menu Close Indexes; 2023; 2022; 2021; 2020; 2019; 2018; 2017; 2016; 2015; 2014; 2013; Dream Jokes I dreamt I wrote The Hobbit the other night. I think I was Tolkein in my sleep.

Bridget Christie: “Feminism is not a fad. It’s not like Angry Birds. Although it does involve a lot of angry birds. Bad example.”. Because we couldn’t just choose one from these power-packed episodes, we want you to enjoy full albums of one-liners here: 23. Anthony Jeselnik: here. 24. Nick Thune: here.One-liner puns can be a powerful tool to grab attention and make a lasting impression. Here are five examples of how one-liner puns have been used to create memorable ads, slogans, and marketing campaigns: Kit Kat – “Have a break, have a Kit Kat.”. Kit Kat’s famous tagline is instantly recognizable and has been …Each time you light your wood stove or fireplace, you may be damaging your flue. If you don’t have a lot of experience with chimneys, then now is the time to learn to prevent a chi...Feb 12, 2018 · Finally, here’s some hilarious one liner dirty jokes for those who like it quick! The difference between “ooooooh”and “aaaaaaah” is about three inches. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong. If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are… you have small boobs.

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Feb 15, 2024 · Tony Stark is a man of many talents. Along with his superior scientific intellect, Iron Man's one-liners are consistently quick and clever. He's the heart of the MCU, and along with his legendary unscripted lines, had some of the funniest dialogue in the entire franchise. There's never a time he's been at a loss for words. I cry when I cut up onions. There once was a man from sprocket. Who went for a ride in a rocket. The rocket went bang. His balls went clang. And he found his d**k in his pocket! Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection. A fake name and … These are some of the cleverest funny one liner jokes you’ll ever read. They’re almost too awesome to be true. “I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.”. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”. “I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”. “Worrying works! Learn how to pay off debt faster and avoid years of never-ending interest. Ditch unnecessary spending, and discover the best strategies here. By clicking "TRY IT", I agree to recei...

Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day? He wanted to raise mashed potatoes. What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner? The casse-role. What are unhappy cranberries called? Blueberries! Why did the cranberries turn red? Because they saw the turkey dressing.Aug 12, 2019 · 3. “She doesn’t even go here!”. This line is in this particular spot because I think it's more difficult for younger films to get noticed for their incredible one-liners. Films like The Godfather, Star Wars, or what's considered "classic cinema" tend to get all of the attention for noteworthy lines. A one-liner is a succinct, often witty remark that encapsulates humor, wisdom, or an observation in a single sentence. It's the verbal equivalent of a quick sketch, delivering impact with brevity. Think of it as the punchline without the setup, a flash of insight or comedy in just a few words.Nov 5, 2021 · 27. You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it. 28. There’s a lot to be said in his favor, but it’s not nearly as interesting. 29. They’ve been treating me like one of ... Jul 24, 2022 · Dirty Riddles I. Riddle: I am mostly six inches long. I go in and out of your mouth in a rhythmic pattern. I am more comfortable when wet and very unpleasant when dry. I can be more fun when I vibrate. In the …Biology Jokes Pick Up Lines. “Girl, your name must be Phylum, because you are above class.”. “Baby, every time i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up.”. “I think my heart just lagged.”. “If I were an enzyme, I’d be helicase so i could unpackage your genes.”. “You must be the one for me, since my selectively ...Posted by u/[Deleted Account] - No votes and 2 commentsFeb 16, 2024 · cartoons, jokes, one liners, one-liners, One Liners, One-Liners, One-liners, dirty jokes, clean jokes, comedy, humor, humour, funny stories, confucius say, Confucius Say, put downs, come backs, observations ... They'd probably find him quicker. Anyone can masturbate under a sheet, but it takes skill to do it without the barber noticing.cartoons, jokes, one liners, one-liners, One Liners, One-Liners, One-liners, dirty jokes, clean jokes, comedy, humor, humour, funny stories, confucius say, Confucius Say, put downs, come backs, observations . More One Liners. Confucius Say Insults and Putdowns One-Liners, Page Two One-Liners, Page Three Home Page …Are you in need of a new pool liner? Whether your current liner is worn out or you simply want to update the look of your pool, hiring professional pool liner installers is the way...Jul 12, 2023 · Husband Wife Jokes. For wives, who want to get back at their husband we have assembled a beautiful and hilarious collection of husband wife funny jokes. Make use of these wife and husband jokes and have fun. Wife: Let’s go out and have fun tonight! Husband: Okay but, if you get back before me, leave the light on.

Jun 22, 2014 · Master List of Quicker Than/ Faster Than -Jokes. Posted on June 22, 2014 by ablestmage. Here is a list of several of the best “Quicker than a..” or “Faster than a..” one-liners that I made up or found online. I was trying to come up with something funny for a Facebook comment about how quickly I would have kicked a romantic potential to ...

Self-employed. #10. If a threesome is with three people and a twosome with two, do you now understand why people call you ‘handsome’. #11. An elderly couple was attending a church service. The lady turned towards her husband and said ‘‘I just let out a really long silent fart.Jun 22, 2014 · Master List of Quicker Than/ Faster Than -Jokes. Posted on June 22, 2014 by ablestmage. Here is a list of several of the best “Quicker than a..” or “Faster than a..” one-liners that I made up or found online. I was trying to come up with something funny for a Facebook comment about how quickly I would have kicked a romantic potential to ... © Юрий Красильников - stock.adobe.com When the seasons change, you might start looking forward to the scent of spring flowers or crisp fall air, but the Expert Advice On Improving ...Nowadays, legs spread quicker than rumors. Women and rocks are very much alike … We skip the flat ones. I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind. Don’t call the world dirty because you forgot to clean your glasses. I sent an angel to watch over you last night but he came back saying he can’t watch porn.Jul 12, 2023 · Husband Wife Jokes. For wives, who want to get back at their husband we have assembled a beautiful and hilarious collection of husband wife funny jokes. Make use of these wife and husband jokes and have fun. Wife: Let’s go out and have fun tonight! Husband: Okay but, if you get back before me, leave the light on.Add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs and pray you don't multiply. There once was a monarch named Ed. Who screwed Mrs. Simpson in bed. As they bounced up and down, He yelled, "Bugger the Crown! We'll give it to Bertie, instead!" A guy goes to the supermarket one day.It’s colder than a cast iron toilet on the shady side of an iceberg. It’s colder than a stepmother’s kiss. It’s colder than a mother-in-law’s kiss out there. It’s colder than my ex-wife’s heart. It’s colder than elf nuts outside. It’s colder than Thatcher’s heart out there. It’s colder than a polar bear’s toe nails.Sperm may die even faster in a hot bath or a hot tub due to the heat or chemicals in the water. 4. Sperm entering the vaginal canal swim straight up to an egg. It’s a pretty long journey to an ...

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Over time, computers often become slow and sluggish, making even the most basic processes take more time than they should. Even the best-rated PC will slow down as you install soft...If Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice go out for lunch, they will call each other Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice. If Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla. =========== ... A big list of tighter than jokes, submitted and ranked by users.Does sugar make us age faster? Visit HowStuffWorks to learn if sugar makes us age faster. Advertisement Most people avoid sugar for one particular reason -- eating too much sugar i...Jan 7, 2023 · If you have Siri set to start when one of those ears is double-tapped, that ear will probably drain more quickly than the other. Here's how to adjust your AirPods settings. 1. Begin by wearing ...I tried to start a beekeeping business, but it didn't generate any buzz. 31. Shoutout to anyone wondering what the opposite of in is. 32. I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good ...Are you in need of a new pool liner? Whether your current liner is worn out or you simply want to update the look of your pool, hiring professional pool liner installers is the way...Birthday one liners. I threw a ball for my dog... It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket. One liner tags: animal, birthday, puns. 91.51 % / 1754 votes. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. One liner tags: attitude, birthday, life, puns. 78.96 % / 399 votes.12 Dirty One-Liners, First Edition. Check these out, or fold the laundry. Better yet, check these out while folding the laundry! Jokes On Us is all about the funny. …From puns and wordplay to clever one-liners, dirty dad jokes are a hilarious way to spice up any conversation or get-together. So sit back, relax, and get ready to groan with delight at these best dirty dad jokes! ... From clever puns to witty one-liners, these jokes are sure to have you and your friends cracking up. So buckle up, brace ...Everyday Quirks One-Liners. “I mentioned to my wife that her eyebrow sketches were lofty. She raised an eyebrow.”. “On my whiskey diet, I’ve misplaced a few days this week.”. “Diving into a book on floating in space. I just can’t set it aside!”. “I don’t grapple with madness; I relish its every tick.”. “My bed’s an ...Jan 26, 2023 · Related: “Valentine’s Day is about to become a religious holiday, because you’re gonna be screaming, “Oh God!” all night.”. “Tonight, you’re going to need a safe word, and the safe word is ‘be mine.’”. “Cards aren’t the only things that are going to be opening tonight.”. “I’m about to eat you like a box of ... ….

Lawyer Jokes Puns & One Liners: 90 Hilarious Quips for Legal Laughs. By Joke Plant July 14, 2023. jHuddle up, folks, because we’re about to dive into a realm of hilarity with 90 laugh-out-loud jokes about lawyers. These aren’t your typical courtroom dramas; they’re side-splitting, rib-tickling jests that’ll get even …Feb 15, 2024 · Tony Stark is a man of many talents. Along with his superior scientific intellect, Iron Man's one-liners are consistently quick and clever. He's the heart of the MCU, and along with his legendary unscripted lines, had some of the funniest dialogue in the entire franchise. There's never a time he's been at a loss for words. Aug 12, 2014 · 15 Classical Henny Youngman one-liners. Posted by Addam Corre on 12 Aug, 2014. Henry “Henny” Youngman was born in Liverpool, England in 1906 and died in New York when he was 91 years old. The columnist, Walter Winchell, dubbed Youngman ‘The King of the One-Liners.’.From Dirty Harry, we’ve learned what happens when you feel lucky — or at least, when Clint Eastwood’s Harry Callahan challenges you to ponder your fortune. When Scarlett O’Hara asserts that tomorrow is another day in Gone with the Wind, it’s more than optimism; it’s a testament to the enduring human spirit. Not merely filler …One touch and I melt.”. “You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.”. “S*x is like snow. Didn’t get any again this year.”. I hope these dirty jokes on winter are a fun activity with your girlfriend, boyfriend, crush, or partner. Moreover, check out these jokes, memes, or riddles on food ...Nostalgia is often triggered by something reminding you of a happier time. Whether it's an old commercial or a book from your past, it belongs in /r/nostalgia.Well water can get dirty when there is a lack of maintenance in the well system, which can lead to deterioration. Wells may have to be cleaned, and because some people never do thi...Mar 3, 2024 · Funny Anglo Saxon puns short one-liners; The impact of these disappear jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social ...Faster Than One Liners . Huge list of some great ones liners for you to enjoy. List of one liners to use from life, shows and movies . I love coming up with cheesy quotes from …Mar 3, 2024 · Funny Anglo Saxon puns short one-liners; The impact of these disappear jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social ... Quicker than one-liners dirty, Don't ignore your agency pricing strategy. Consider these approaches and experiment to optimize your profits. Trusted by business builders worldwide, the HubSpot Blogs are your num..., If you are planning to create a beautiful pond in your garden, one of the most crucial decisions you’ll need to make is choosing the right pond liner. A pond liner not only helps t..., Jun 22, 2014 · Master List of Quicker Than/ Faster Than -Jokes. Posted on June 22, 2014 by ablestmage. Here is a list of several of the best “Quicker than a..” or “Faster than a..” one-liners that I made up or found online. I was trying to come up with something funny for a Facebook comment about how quickly I would have kicked a romantic potential to ... , Softball One Liner Jokes. “Why was the softball team so good at math? Because they knew how to use a diamond!”. “What do you call a softball team that sings? Pitch Perfect!”. “Why did the softball player bring string to the game? To tie the score!”. “What’s a softball player’s favorite type of party? A pitch-in!”., 1 day ago · Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint and another one! A cabin with plenty of food is better than a hungry castle. The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven’t seen the joke yet. A hair on the head is worth two on the brush., Jun 2, 2016 · Here we examine a list of Churchill’s best ‘one-liners’ throughout his life. “Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.” —1898. “I object on principle to doing by legislation what properly belongs to human good feeling and charity.” -1902. “War never pays its dividends in cash on the money it costs ..., A man approached me today and said "I am harder than you, I am better than you, I am faster than you, I am stronger than you." What a Daft Punk. Score: 5. Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive" Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown". Score: 4. , Mar 6, 2024 · One-Liner's One Line Insults. Your problem is you have million dollar dreams with a minimum wage work ethic. We call her "Happy Meal", because she always cums with a toy inside. I hope life bites you in the ass. You have enough padding there to take the hit. A dickhead like you would have to take Viagra as a nasal spray., 1. Play With Puns. Puns are the playground of one-liners, where words with double meanings can lead to unexpected, often hilarious interpretations. A well-placed pun can …, Even if you're not a professionally trained hotel inspector, what should you be looking for when you check in to get an idea about the level of cleanliness at a property? AAA recen..., 5. Utilize Stereotype-Based Banter. This approach plays on common stereotypes to create humor that’s both relatable and surprising. While it requires a delicate balance to avoid crossing into insensitivity, done right, it can poke fun at societal norms in a way that’s both thought-provoking and hilarious. 6. , Oct 10, 2019 · Especially if you struggle to remember the longer jokes. If you like the longer longer jokes, check out our selection of clean golf jokes here, or if you aren’t easily offended, our rude golf jokes are here. If you are playing with a golfer who says they never cheat, they’re also a liar. ———-. My golf game is a lot like masturbating ..., Learn how to pay off debt faster and avoid years of never-ending interest. Ditch unnecessary spending, and discover the best strategies here. By clicking "TRY IT", I agree to recei..., Here are 40 hilarious one-liner jokes guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces. Funny One-Liner Jokes. I asked the IT guy, "How do you make a …, It’s older than the Sydney Opera House, my penis!”. – Rhod Gilbert. “I accidentally filled the Escort with diesel. She died.”. – Gary Delaney. “I’ve never laughed a woman in to bed ..., Dirty Jobs star Mike Rowe has a solution for tackling student debt and those wanting to make a good wage: Invest in skills. By clicking "TRY IT", I agree to receive newsletters and..., one Here are some Faster Than One Liners items I have now: Vanished quicker than [one hit wonder]’s music career. Over the course of the 8 Seasons, renewed for a 9th on October 25, 2021, Captain Lee has dropped some fantastic one-liners that are … Please share this post with your friends and others to read these one liner …, The idea behind ‘faster than’ idioms is that you’re likening one thing to another to illustrate how fast it is. This is a kind of simile. Here are some examples of …, Here is a list of several of the best “Quicker than a..” or “Faster than a..” one-liners that I made up or found online. I was trying to come up with something funny for a …, Mar 6, 2024 · One-Liner's One Line Insults. Your problem is you have million dollar dreams with a minimum wage work ethic. We call her "Happy Meal", because she always cums with a toy inside. I hope life bites you in the ass. You have enough padding there to take the hit. A dickhead like you would have to take Viagra as a nasal spray., You’re like a fine piece of cheese – the older you get, the more you smell, but people still love you. Happy birthday! Don’t worry, [insert age] isn’t so bad. It’s just a little closer to [insert age plus 20]. Happy birthday! You’re like a classic book – everyone still loves you, even if you’re a little outdated., Oct 17, 2009 · 4. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer. 5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list. , Felicity Ward (2012) “I was very naive sexually. My first boyfriend asked me to do missionary and I buggered off to Africa for six months.”. Hayley Ellis (2012) “One in four frogs is a leap ..., Quicker is used to compare the speed of two actions or events. For example, if one person completes a task in 10 minutes and another person completes the same task in 5 minutes, the second person completed the task quicker than the first person. Quicker is an adverb that is used to modify verbs or adjectives., From puns and wordplay to clever one-liners, dirty dad jokes are a hilarious way to spice up any conversation or get-together. So sit back, relax, and get ready to groan with delight at these best dirty dad jokes! ... From clever puns to witty one-liners, these jokes are sure to have you and your friends cracking up. So buckle up, brace ..., 50 Hilarious Dirty One Liner Jokes List. Posted July 5, 2017 by wititudes. Next → . Posted in: Jokes, Lists Did you enjoy this? → . Next →. Search for: Recent Posts. Breaking News … I’m just a girl … I plan my whole day around the possibility of a nap … I need one of those long hugs where … 11 More Politically …, Bridget Christie: “Feminism is not a fad. It’s not like Angry Birds. Although it does involve a lot of angry birds. Bad example.”. Because we couldn’t just choose one from these power-packed episodes, we want you to enjoy full albums of one-liners here: 23. Anthony Jeselnik: here. 24. Nick Thune: here., What mistake did Johnny and Ponyboy make? They fell asleep in the park. Which is the best summary of the end of chapter three? Ponyboy gets into an argument with Darry and leaves the house, but later decides to return. Quizlet to study for Thursday's Test Learn with flashcards, games, and more — for free., One touch and I melt.”. “You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.”. “S*x is like snow. Didn’t get any again this year.”. I hope these dirty jokes on winter are a fun activity with your girlfriend, boyfriend, crush, or partner. Moreover, check out these jokes, memes, or riddles on food ..., 12 Dirty One-Liners, First Edition. Check these out, or fold the laundry. Better yet, check these out while folding the laundry!Jokes On Us is all about th..., It’s colder than a cast iron toilet on the shady side of an iceberg. It’s colder than a stepmother’s kiss. It’s colder than a mother-in-law’s kiss out there. It’s colder than my ex-wife’s heart. It’s colder than elf nuts outside. It’s colder than Thatcher’s heart out there. It’s colder than a polar bear’s toe nails., 1. Play With Puns. Puns are the playground of one-liners, where words with double meanings can lead to unexpected, often hilarious interpretations. A well-placed pun can …, Whether you’re looking for a quick joke to share with friends or need a witty comeback to lighten the mood, these funny one-liners are sure to do the trick. From …